Featured Article (October 2005)

Marriage and Horses - Are Balance and Harmony Possible?

When I learned that this issue of the Virginia Horse Journal planned to feature an article on husbands and wives involved with horses, I had to chuckle at the timing. As the summer draws to a close, my poor husband has spent nearly every waking moment of his vacation time mowing, chain sawing, chipping and burning in a Herculean effort to get our small farmette ready for its first equine resident next spring. My husband, Scott, is not a farm boy by any stretch of the imagination. Rather, he is a classically trained, professional viola player who suffers from severe allergies and asthma brought on by horses, hay, cats, and pretty much anything else under a barn roof.

Despite having a profession that constantly keeps him on the road to the cultural centers of D.C. and Fairfax, Scott agreed to move to Fauquier County two years ago to let me live out my dream of keeping horses at home. Since then, he has tirelessly devoted himself to nursing our badly neglected property and fixer-upper house back to health. More times than not during this adventure, Scott has been the one keeping my spirits up when I think about throwing in the towel.

Only love could motivate a man like my husband to take on such tremendous sacrifices to his lifestyle, career, and wallet. Love, and perhaps a tiny bit of male pride that goes along with "taming the land" and using large power tools. After all, as one wife featured in this article pointed out, every horse husband gets to be a C.E.O. (Chief of Equine Operations) at one time or another.

In this article, we will introduce you to five couples involved with horses. Some fall into the more traditional category of horse-crazy wife and tolerant spectator husband, while others enjoy horses together and even run joint businesses. Regardless of their classifications, meeting these couples has confirmed for me that a good marriage can bend itself around any obstacle and come out stronger, even if that obstacle has four hooves.

Mary and Dave Mackrin: The Newlyweds

Mary and Dave Mackrin have been married just over three months, but their commitment to each other bodes well for a long and happy partnership. Mary is a competitive upper level eventer who co-manages a sales and training barn called Talbot Equestrian Center in Mt. Airie, MD. Dave is not a horse person, but is probably one of the most enthusiastic spectators you will ever meet. Dave spends his days in construction management with Bovis, but on the weekends transforms into "horse husband extraordinaire." Mary says that Dave attends not only all of her events, but also the events of her students. More amazingly, Dave comes out to the barn before Mary’s competitions to help her prepare, including cleaning her tack. Mary says that his tack cleaning specialties include "boots and brass." However, Dave is more than just a great groom. Mary says that a top trainer recently told her that she rides much better when Dave comes along to her events.

Mary believes that pure love motivates her new husband to support her goals so completely. She says that her heavy competition schedule puts a strain on normal married life, particularly weekend time together. However, she says Dave never begrudges the sacrifices and wants more than anything to see her go as far as she can in her sport. As for the financial strain of keeping and competing horses, Mary says that Dave’s only regret is that he would like to be able to afford more horses for her to compete. The couple hopes to have a family in the future, and Mary agrees that her devoted husband will make an equally superb dad whether their children choose to ride or not.

Karleen and Reg Hubley: Together for the Long Haul

Karleen and Reg Hubley have been married for an enviable 26 years. Karleen is an avid equestrian, enjoying dressage as well as cross-training in jumping and trail riding. Reg is a retired publishing executive who supports his wife’s passion, but generally watches from the sidelines.

Reg says that he tried to get involved in riding for a while and actually had a horse (a retired polo pony named Dirtbag). Unfortunately for Karleen, the hobby didn’t really stick with her husband. Although the riding bug wouldn’t bite with Reg, he has tried to understand and contribute to his wife’s passion in more indirect ways. Reg loves aviation, and had plans to start an aerial horse farm photography business until his partner fell ill. Additionally, Reg became involved in helping the Virginia Horse Journal as a publishing advisor in the early days of the magazine.

Karleen says that Reg occasionally comes along to spectate from behind a newspaper at her dressage lessons. Reg admits that watching dressage can be a tad boring, but when pressed confesses that he can appreciate the beauty of an upper level horse and rider.

Karleen and Reg have their own farm in Free Union where they keep two horses. Reg says that the barn is primarily Karleen’s domain. Both Reg and Karleen agree that having their own farm has been a huge learning experience and has necessitated many sacrifices. Reg says that having the farm has put major restrictions on their ability to travel, and that he has taken solo trips on occasion while Karleen stays at home with the horses. He readily mentions the drains on money and time that go along with having a horsey wife.

Despite his awareness of the sacrifices involved in supporting his wife, Reg says that he can appreciate anyone’s passion, and knows that riding keeps his wife happy and healthy. He also added at the time of our interview that he was currently sitting on his porch enjoying a peaceful view of horses grazing beneath a willow oak tree.

Sandy and Johnny Rose: A Family Plan

Sandy and Johnny Rose breed and raise Welsh ponies and crossbreds out of their Wynnbrook Farm in Hamilton. Sandy is a lifelong horsewoman who developed a passion for ponies and dreamed of owning her own pony breeding farm. Johnny, who is now retired from the federal government, was not involved with horses before the couple bought the farm.

Before retirement, Johnny’s job necessitated relocation for the Roses every 3-5 years. Sandy always remained involved in horses, running a boarding facility during the couple’s years in Tennessee and working as an Equine Specialist for Southern States. Unbeknownst to Johnny, however, she dreamed of someday expanding her hobby into a full-time pony breeding business. Sandy says, "I let Johnny in on it slowly" as her plans began to materialize.

Upon retirement, Sandy says that Johnny has given 150% to help her live out her dream. Though a complete novice, Johnny has dedicated himself to learning farm management and working with the horses. Sandy explains that she enjoys having Johnny work alongside her with the horses because he often gives her a fresh perspective. Sandy adds that her husband’s involvement in the farm has been particularly helpful to her because he has taught her a tremendous amount about business. Johnny’s hobbies include golf and motorcycles, but for the most part he spends his time committed to the equine lifestyle that makes his wife so happy.

The Wynnbrook Farm team also includes the an adult son and daughter. Their daughter, now a lawyer, used to break and train the ponies on the farm but now handles the legal affairs for the business. Their son pursued a career in advertising, and now designs the marketing materials for the farm. Both Sandy and Johnny agree that the sacrifices involved with running the breeding business have been worthwhile, because horses have always "fit into the family plan and keep everything in balance."

Joyce and Bill Fendley: "Masters" of Marriage

Joint Hunt Masters Joyce and Bill Fendley have been riding together in Fauquier County since they were teenagers. After marriage, the couple took a brief hiatus from horse ownership to focus on careers and childrearing, but found themselves drawn back to horse country in the late 1970’s. Joyce and Bill decided to move back to Casanova to provide a healthy environment for their children to grow up enjoying riding and playing outdoors.

Bill says that he and Joyce have always done things together, and that hunting as a family became a logical progression. Bill jokingly recalls being admonished by an elderly relative for having his children ride ponies rather than bicycles. Joyce, Bill and their four children all enjoyed hunting as a family activity. According to Joyce, keeping horses at home has been a "team effort" for her family that "always works out in the end."

Joyce and Bill currently have seven horses in residence at their Owl Run Farm in Casanova. During foxhunting season, Joyce and Bill hunt together three days per week. Bill enjoys playing golf during the off season (one of the few activities he pursues without Joyce). However, they continue walking the hounds together and participating in hunt activities including running the Casanova hunt camp.

Joyce and Bill agree that having horses has not involved any sacrifices to their marriage or family. On the contrary, the couple feels that foxhunting and keeping horses together has been a strong complement to their relationship. Joyce says that an additional bonus to foxhunting as a couple has been the mutual, lifelong friendships they have made in the hunting community.

Cheryl and Paul Maye: An Equine Partnership

Cheryl and Paul Maye operate separate, complementary horse businesses out of their rented farm in Lovettsville. Cheryl runs Maye Sportponies, a show and training facility focusing on children showing Welsh ponies. Paul’s business, Paul Maye Carriage Driving, offers driving training for people and horses from the introductory to advanced competitive levels.

While Paul hails from the U.K. and Cheryl is American, the common love for horses drew the couple together and continues to unite them. Cheryl and Paul met at a pony sale barn where they were both working, and married in 1998. The Mayes now have a four year-old son who is already showing interest in driving with his dad.

Although they run separate businesses, Cheryl and Paul spend much of their time working together at the farm. During the summers, the Mayes spend nearly every weekend away from home at shows and clinics. Paul says that he "could not imagine" having a happy marriage with a non-horsey spouse due to the 24/7 nature of running a successful horse business.

Not surprising, when asked whether heavy involvement with horses puts a strain on their relationship, Cheryl and Paul respond with a resounding "no." The common passion for horses, teaching, and training seems to be an integral part of their marriage.

Working Together is the Key

As horse people, we all know the challenges involved in keeping horses in our lives with the ever-escalating pressures of modern society. Even just one horse becomes another family member requiring time, love and attention. True love for a horseperson includes accepting horses as a part of life for the duration of the relationship. Although the couples in this article come from divergent backgrounds and levels of involvement with horses, they prove that a successful partnership is based on adaptability and a mutual desire to help each other find happiness.